Jab's WrestleMania Reviews! (WM XXI, aka "Shawn/Angle, plus some stuff")

[Sick Nick]

Haven't read Jab's review yet but the Rockers/Twin Towers match was pretty damn good as well. Michaels and Jannetty made their opponents look like monsters and Boss Man was one of the most nimble near-400 pounders around.

[Jabroniville]

I should look up that Blue Blazer/Perfect match by the way your guys are talking about it.

Like I said, it's quite good, and watchable mainly for being so ahead of it's time (especially for 1989 WWF). Northern Lights Suplexes, Crucifix pins, elite technical stuff... just remember that it's still a midcard Coming Out match for Perfect, so he basically just sells a punch, then punches Owen to lead to the Perfect Plex. All of six minutes long, really.

[AverageSquid]

Loving this thread Jabber. Nick's right you are being a lot fairer to everyone here, though your usual harshness is pretty accurate and warranted anyway

It's funny, something I noticed a few months back playing through Legends Of Wrestlemania, Brutus Beefcake was pretty much the king of getting screwed out of the win and then beating the manager up after the match, usually for the Intercontinental Title as well

What 'Mania does the DVD set run up to?

[Sick Nick]

Loving this thread Jabber. Nick's right you are being a lot fairer to everyone here, though your usual harshness is pretty accurate and warranted anyway

It's funny, something I noticed a few months back playing through Legends Of Wrestlemania, Brutus Beefcake was pretty much the king of getting screwed out of the win and then beating the manager up after the match, usually for the Intercontinental Title as well

He did get screwed out of the IC title by a clumsy parasailor.

OTOH, he got to end Hennig's winning streak.

[Jabroniville]

I think my increased fairness is because of the better booking, especially back in the day. There's still some fuck-ups (I'm pretty harsh on WM IV), but for the most part, it's like there's some grand PLAN for everybody, and nearly all the booking is set up to go exactly a certain way- the Dream Team/Piper/Adonis angle was a thing of beauty, for example.

[Sick Nick]

Read it now.

Tito wasn't using El Paso Del Muerte at this point.

Dino's finisher was actually a basic side slam, whatever Gorilla Monsoon called it at the time.

[Jabroniville]

Read it now.

Tito wasn't using El Paso Del Muerte at this point.

They don't call it that, but it's a flying forearm like any other. Was it just not his finisher at the time?

[Jabroniville]

WWF WRESTLEMANIA VI (1990)

The Story so far: Woo, it's another Mega-Main Event!! Well, money was a LITTLE lower in the past year, and the Hogan/Zeus feud ultimately went nowhere and sucked balls, so the WWF needed a new big main event. Their decision- finally "pass the torch" from the aging, passe Hulk Hogan onto the crazy Hot New Thing, The Ultimate Warrior, in a Face vs. Face World Title/IC Title match. Well, THAT is certainly a way to get the fans excited. And the event's in Skydome, as the first ever Canadian WrestleMania. And then more awesome, as it's the classic WrestleMania 80s-style theme (remember, the early 90s are basically indistinguishable from the late 80s) making it's debut! And the awesome Ring Carts are back, looking like mini-WWF rings!

---

1) Rick "The Model" Martel (vs) Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie)-
Martel had turned heel the 'Mania before, and here he is in his newer heel gimmick, basically a Narcissist/Pretty Boy-type gimmick where he sprayed his perfume around and acted like a douche. Unfortunately, he didn't try very hard, was generally unmotivated, and failed to ever get really over. Shitty mic skills didn't help. The match is basically a Jobber opener, as the increasingly huge-assed Koko was nothing at this point. Model's been around for a year as a solo guy, and this is as far up the card as he could get? Short match, Koko misses what looked like it was supposed to be a Flying Sunset Flip but looked really ugly, and Model hooks the Boston Crab for the win.

---

2) WWF Tag Team Titles:
The Colossal Connection (w/ Bobby Heenan) (vs) Demolition-
Oh hells yes. So Andre was pretty much done wrestling after feuding with the Warrior on house shows all over the place, so as a "thank you" to years of services rendered, he gets a token Tag Title reign with lame-duck Heenan minion Haku. After beating Demolition, this is the blow-off of their feud. The match is fairly famous for being so unusual- Andre doesn't even tag in, instead running into the ring periodically to help Haku out, and both Monsoon & Ventura point out that Haku REALLY needs to tag out. This is way longer than I remember it- I thought the match was like two minutes long. About ten minutes, really, and when the Demos run in to clean house, Andre accidentally eats a Superkick, gets tied in the ropes, and Ax & Smash hit a Double Stun-Gun on Haku and finish with the Decapitation for a HUUUUGE crowd pop. Seriously, they're fucking over. It's so funny that they went from THIS to being midcarders right after SummerSlam once the LOD got signed.

-The post-match antics are much more legendary, as Heenan chews out Andre for costing the team, then makes the HORRIBLE mistake of slapping him. Whole crowd goes fucking apeshit as Andre slaps Heenan around, then casually dumps Haku like a piece of shit, then leaves to a chorus of cheers. See, LEAVE THE FANS HAPPY. Nowadays, Orton would've RKO'd him in a sneak-attack and then pooped on his head. Funny how he was a heel for three years straight and one event turns him completely babyface.

---

3) Hercules (vs) Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart)-
Herc was long gone from the upper-midcard at this point, and is merely the guy to job to Earthquake's Coming Out Match. He actually does really well, knocking 'Quake around (Herc's actually shown a LOT of fire in this 'Mania set- I think fans have kinda overlooked him as a semi-decent worker when motivated), but tries his Side Slam like an idiot, gets elbowed into paste, and it's TWO Earthquake Splashes for the win. Yeah, ouch.

---

4) Mr. Perfect (w/ The Genius) (vs) Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake-
So Mr. Perfect's main event feud with Hogan (circa the Rumble) is over, and transferred over to Beefcake to keep both guys going. Funny how angles ALWAYS turned out that way in the old days- guys moving up and down the card freely feud-to-feud. The match has lots of Hennig selling, but isn't overly great; Beefer just doesn't have it in him. Perfect controls a fair bit, but eats a lucky Slingshot into the post, and gets pinned in kind of an upset. Sad how both guys never really got out of the midcard. Barber of course gives The Genius a BRUTAL haircut after the match, since they wouldn't embarass a major heel character in Hennig like that.

---

5) "Rowdy" Roddy Piper (vs) Bad News Brown-
Basing the feud off of their double-elimination set-up at the previous Royal Rumble, this is the infamous "Piper colours half of his body in blackface just to piss Brown off" match. Hahah, HOLY SHIT, imagine if they tried that now. Match is pretty much just a brawl (Brown has NEVER shown me anything in any of the sets that I have- was he even half-decent as a worker?) back and forth, ending with a cheap Double DQ or Count Out or something.

---

6) The Hart Foundation (vs) The Bolsheviks-
This is the end of the line for JTTS tag team Bolsheviks, as they do a comedy bit in the back with Steve Allen of all people, come out to sing the Russian National Anthem, but get attacked from behind by the Harts, and it's a ten-second match, ending with the Hart Attack in a pretty famous spot. That pretty much sets the Harts (who tend to not do anything at 'Manias) to challenge Demolition at SummerSlam.

---

7) The Barbarian (w/ Bobby Heenan) (vs) Tito Santana-
So the Powers of Pain have been split up into solo Shitty-Working Monster Heels, and they both needed managers, so Heenan is depicted as having bought Barbie's services. I miss angles like that. So simple, yet they get the job done. Tito is STILL wearing the Strike Force tights one year after the split, which is just sad to see. Also, after Main Eventing in the early 80s, being a dominant upper-midcarder IC Champ in the mid-80s, and being a successful tag team for the late-80s, he's now completely a JTTS. Nothing but respect for THAT level of work-horsing. Tito hits the Flying Forearm for the 3, but Bobby puts the leg on the ropes like a good heel manager. Barbarian quickly gets the Flying Clothesline off the top that takes Tito's fucking HEAD OFF, and it's a decisive three from there. Not a bad way to debut the new heel, but he never went anywhere. Poor Tito got to do the exact same thing at this year's SummerSlam against the OTHER Power of Pain, Warlord.

---

8) Mixed-Tag Team Match-
Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire (w/ Miss Elizabeth) (vs) "Macho King" Randy Savage & Queen Sherri-
Oh, Lordy. So Macho had a big de-push post-Hogan feud, and Dusty was new to the company, so the two charismatic psychos were played off of each other. Dusty got equally fat & disgusting Sapphire to be his manager, and shockingly they GOT OVER WITH THE FANS, despite being dressed like polka-dotted children's entertainers. I think Dusty Rhodes may be the decisive split between the Marks & the Smarts, even moreso than Hogan. At least the Smarts RESPECTED Hogan. But Dusty has always been a giant fat fuck, a terrible worker, and a shitty booker to the Smarts, while the Marks ate his shit up. I certainly ALWAYS hated him, because I never knew him in the NWA, so I just saw this ugly, out of shape fat guy who acted all tough but feuded with my favourite wrestler ever in Macho Man. Oh yeah, he's the Macho KING now, because they had to give him SOME kind of heel gimmick after his World Title run was over. The match kind of sucks, as it's just punching and comedy spots, with the men occasionally tossing the women around. Jesse Ventura is GREAT on commentary, actively bitching when Sapphire's gigantic ass (calm down, Drunken Reaper Guy!) gets a full-screen shot ("ANY angle but THAT one!"). Elizabeth shoves Sherri, who trips over Sapphire, who pins her at the end. Dumb, but the crowd loved it.

-Hee hee, it's the legendary set of promos for the Main Event. Hogan cuts an INSANE promo, essentially saying he & the Hulkamaniacs are going to "save" the Ultimate Warrior & his Warriors with their prayers and vitamins and shit. Basically, he's Jesus or something. The Warrior's one is even MORE nuts, as he says about 20 sentences in a row that make NO sense (basically just collecting a bunch of nouns & verbs together while screaming and droning alternately), and you can practically hear the director go "OK, who the fuck gave this guy five minutes to talk?" Christ, HOW MUCH COKE did these guys snort back in the day?

---

9) The Rockers (vs) The Orient Express (w/ Mr. Fuji)-
This is the "Tanaka & Sato" shitty Express version. I was gonna get all excited, since these guys had a GREAT Royal Rumble match, but nope. Both Rockers are wrestling like they're drunk as fuck and couldn't even move... oh wait. Both teams stumble around for a bit, before Marty eats some Salt in the eye (who ever saw salt that poofed and rose into the air like that?) and falls over the barricade for the Count-Out. OK, too much of that shit tonight. Totally disappointing crap.

-Shitloads of WrestleMania VII ads pop up throughtout the show, promising to break WMIII's attendance record. Hee-hee, silly Hogan/Slaughter feud.

---

10) Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart & Earthquake) (vs) "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan-
Duggan the fucking idiot waves the American Flag around. In Toronto. Yeah. The crowd just politely gives him a tepid reaction, versus verbally anally raping him like if he'd tried that in the late-90s or nowadays. REALLY bad match. It is absolutely AWE-INSPIRING to still see the shitty-ass Bravo still wrestling after all these years of shit matches and no heat. Quick brawl, and Duggan cheats to win using the 2x4 like a good Babyface. But then we get the REAL purpose of the match, as Earthquake runs in and squashes Duggan with the power of the ass.
 
---

11) Million Dollar Title:
"The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase (w/ Virgil) (vs) Jake "The Snake" Roberts-
A big-time feud for both, as they roughly inhabited the exact same position of the card (neither was ever gonna go any higher). The crowd REALLY gets into it, though not so much because it's awesome (it really isn't. It's your generic DiBiase 'Mania match, full of long heat segments and technical stuff and over-selling), but because they're just so excited to see these guys & Mania and all that. Toronto shows are always like that. The match is quite long and fairly good, but Jake matches are only ever gonna be SO good, y'know? Jake gets going after the crowd does The Wave for a few minutes (no, really), but DiBiase dumps him for another cheap Count-Out Win, because God forbid either of these guys actually do the job.

-Oh, hee. Awesome bit, as Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine do their "Rythym & Blues" stuff in the back, talking about how great their song's gonna be. It has two moments of hilarity: 1) Greg Valentine trying to act like a charismatic jovial smart-ass heel. His charisma is so far into the negative that you can practically see him feel agony as he tries his best Roy Orbison. 2) Honky Tonk Man strums a bit on his guitar for fun- and you realize that HE CAN'T PLAY!! I mean, AT ALL! He's played a fucking Elvis impersonator for six fucking years and he can't even STRUM it right! That is just brilliant.

---

12) Akeem (w/ Slick) (vs) The Big Boss Man-
Ah, the Coming Out Match of solo Boss Man. So after a couple years as being one of the more dominant monster heel tag teams around, the Twin Towers split, with a newly skinny, svelte 300-lb Boss Man now getting a HUGE push. The first victim? His old partner, now basically on his way out of the company. DiBiase, still hanging around the ring, attacks Boss Man before he gets in to set off a big feud between them later. So it looks like Akeem's gonna own him, pounding away, but Boss Man makes a casual comeback, boots him, whips his ass, then hits the Boss Man Slam for the win. Total squash, putting the Next Big Upper-Midcarder over.

-Rythym & Blues come out with two overly-done-up Honk-ettes (and my least favourite wrestler ever, DDP, driving the Pink Cadillac!) to sing a new song, which of course gives new meaning to the term "crap" but I think that's the point. The Bushwhackers show up at the end to chase them away and smash the guitars, I guess setting off a feud.

---

13) "Ravishing" Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) (vs) "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka-
Yup, Snuka is STILL around, and he's actually here next 'Mania, too. Boy, that guy just had a SHIT run when he made his post-80s return, didn't he? So Rude is now ready to be pushed as the next big Main Event Heel, but I don't think anyone ever bought it. Match is half-decent and generic, Missed Superfly Spash, Rude Awakening, The End. Pretty standard semi-squash pre-Main Event match.

---

14) Main Event:
WWF World Title:
Hulk Hogan (vs) The Ultimate Warrior-
Hahahah, oh dear. This one's a big match. For the first time ever, it's Face/Face in the main event for the Title. Hell, I don't think faces ever even FOUGHT unless it was to do a Heel Turn! The match is purely epic, though not QUITE as awesome as I remember from when I was a kid. I mean, it's one of the best matches ever for these guys in terms of ring psychology, but it's FULL of bearhugs, chinlocks and other resting, and most of the moves are criss-crossing, clotheslines and slams. But even despite that, you just have to see it. The only time I've ever seen a crowd LEGIMITATELY torn 50/50, like they just can't fucking decide: Hogan the Old Guard, or Warrior the Crazy Fucking Exemplar of All Things 80s Kids Liked. After the famous ref KO near-fall with the Legdrop, Warrior finally hits him moves and drops the Splash for the win. Crowd goes insane, they do the brilliant "hand the belt to the winner and hug" ending, and the torch has officially been passed. Well, not really.

----

The Review: ... Meh. I remember loving this show a lot more even a year or so again, but WMV was clearly better. It's actually kinda funny, as you can see how well some pushes are going, but the cracks are beginning to form. Tons of guys are getting pushes that would never break DiBiase's level. Warrior is now Champ, but the list of heels he has to feud with is ridiculously weak, as DiBiase's busy, Earthquake will fight Hogan, Rude's just not legitimate in that role, and everyone else has already to Hogan before. And there's still boring filler on the card, and the only **** match was the Main Event- the rest wasn't that good. Plus, THREE matches had bullshit DQ/Count-Out wins (Brown/Piper, DiBiase/Jake, Rockers/Orients), and there were an absolute metric FUCKTON of squashes (Duggan/Bravo, Rude/Snuka, Akeem/BossMan, Herc/Quake, Barb/Tito, Harts/Bolsheviks). It's still great to see this era, and all the various characters and funny tights and shit, but this show just fall short of most prior efforts. I wasn't going "Boy this show sucks" the whole time or anything, but looking back, it only has Hogan/Warrior, some squashes, and the awesome final moments of Andre's career to show for it.

[..:skeletor:..]

It's weird...I honestly don't remember any matches besides Warrior/Savage (favorite match of all time!!) and Hogan/Slaughter (which I've watched all of...twice, I believe) from the next WM.

You better do Warrior/Savage justice!

[Sick Nick]

They don't call it that, but it's a flying forearm like any other. Was it just not his finisher at the time?

No, El Paso was a totally different move. It was a jumping fist to the back of an opponent's neck when they were doubled over.

[Propeus The Fallen]

Actual, Hogan admitted that he did the belt hanging over thing so that he could get his pops back from the Warrior. Then again, he did say that an overwhelming majority were for him and not the Warrior.

[Sick Nick]

Actual, Hogan admitted that he did the belt hanging over thing so that he could get his pops back from the Warrior. Then again, he did say that an overwhelming majority were for him and not the Warrior.

Whereas it sounds like a 50/50 split to me on the tape.

[Jabroniville]

Oh, it's 50/50 alright. It's a spectacular thing to witness. With Rock/Austin at that Mania were Austin did the heel turn, Austin's still getting most of the cheers. Most other Face/Face matches are like that too (RVD/Cena in the ECW Arena being notable, even though the commentators were trying to put Cena over). But this one? Hogan still had a massive group of supporters, but the 'we want new shit' fans were CRAZY for the Warrior.

And dude, Warrior/Savage can almost make me cry. That match will have justice be done.

And El Paseo was with the guy bent over? Really? Wow. I guess I just never saw him HIT the move (ie. win the match ) when I was watching initially.

[Crab Master]

And dude, Warrior/Savage can almost make me cry. That match will have justice be done.

He made a match with Warrior look competent. That deserves a thread itself.

[..:skeletor:..]

He made a match with Warrior look competent. That deserves a thread itself.

I'll brook NO MORE of your back-handed Warrior compliments! If you besmirch the GREATEST MATCH OF ALL TIME again I will end YOU!!!

[Crab Master]

I'll brook NO MORE of your back-handed Warrior compliments! If you besmirch the GREATEST MATCH OF ALL TIME again I will end YOU!!!

End me for for saying that Savage carried Warrior, and made him look decent?

[..:skeletor:..]

End me for for saying that Savage carried Warrior, and made him look decent?

Mark my words: you'll rue the day you chose to cross swords with me!

THE. DAY.

[Crab Master]

Mark my words: you'll rue the day you chose to cross swords with me!

THE. DAY.

I love you.

[Hamburglar]

Funny how one of my favourite WM main events of all time (Hogan/Warrior) turned into the ABSOLUTE worst match of all time (the rematch in WCW).

[Sick Nick]

And El Paseo was with the guy bent over? Really? Wow. I guess I just never saw him HIT the move (ie. win the match ) when I was watching initially.

It was his new finisher when he took on the 'El Matador' gimmick. However, Vince had so little confidence in the gimmick that Tito only ever got to use it against jobbers. He might have used it against somebody like Shawn 'Boy Toy' Michaels but they probably got knocked out of the ring by the move or some such.

[Sick Nick]

1) Rick "The Model" Martel (vs) Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie)-
Martel had turned heel the 'Mania before, and here he is in his newer heel gimmick, basically a Narcissist/Pretty Boy-type gimmick where he sprayed his perfume around and acted like a douche. Unfortunately, he didn't try very hard, was generally unmotivated, and failed to ever get really over. Shitty mic skills didn't help.

To be fair, he played the chickenshit midcard heel perfectly. People hated him. I remember when he took the countout loss at the following Survivor Series rather than face Jake the Snake - that's the stuff of real arseholes.

He was a pretty good worker too but was born to be a babyface.
 

[Sick Nick]

3) Hercules (vs) Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart)-
Herc was long gone from the upper-midcard at this point, and is merely the guy to job to Earthquake's Coming Out Match. He actually does really well, knocking 'Quake around (Herc's actually shown a LOT of fire in this 'Mania set- I think fans have kinda overlooked him as a semi-decent worker when motivated), but tries his Side Slam like an idiot,

Argentine backbreaker rack in actual fact AKA The Human Torture Rack. I've no doubt Herc could've hit a sideslam on Quake but the torture rack would've been practically impossible, although I've heard he successfully racked Bam Bam Bigelow and even Akeem.

[AverageSquid]

Who's the heaviest guy Luger Racked? Anyone know?

[Sick Nick]

The Big Show. But he used the turnbuckle to give Show a boost, and it was when Show was nearer 400. I think the biggest guy he racked properly was Scott Norton.

IMO, Hercules Hernandez was stronger than Lex Luger.

[Hamburglar]

I'm pretty sure Luger racked Show without the use of a turnbuckle, though...

[Hamburglar]

Starcade 96, I think

[Sick Nick]

Huh. Never saw that.

[Jabroniville]

They were pretty shitty Torture Racks if I recall correctly. In one, he held him for all of two seconds before setting him down (I think it was the World War III ending...).

[Sick Nick]

Time to update the title, rooty-poo jabroni.

[Jabroniville]

WrestleMania Tally:
1) WrestleMania III
2) WrestleMania 2
3) WrestleMania IV
4) WrestleMania V
5) WrestleMania VI
6) WrestleMania

WrestleMania Records:
(Wins-Losses-Ties)
All Wins:
Ax (3-0)
Smash/Repo Man (3-0)
Bret Hart (3-0)
Jim Neidhart (3-0)
Mr. T (2-0)
The Iron Sheik (2-0)
The Big Bossman (2-0)
Earthquake (1-0)
The Bushwhackers (1-0)
The Brain Busters (1-0)
Red Rooster (1-0)
Terry Funk (1-0)
Dusty Rhodes (1-0)
Pat Tanaka (1-0)
One-Shot Guys (1-0): Danny Davis, Wendi Richter, Fabulous Moolah, Corporal Kirchner, Hoss Funk, Tom Zenk, Hillbilly Jim, Harley Race, Tama, Sapphire, Sato

More Wins:
Randy Savage (5-3)
Hulk Hogan (4-1-1)
Brutus Beefcake (3-1-2)
Ricky Steamboat (3-1)
Ted DiBiase (3-1-1)
"Ravishing" Rick Rude (2-0-1)
Ultimate Warrior (2-1)

Tie Records:
Jake Roberts (2-2-1)
Rick Martel (2-2)
Nikolai Volkoff (2-2)
One Man Gang/Akeem (2-2)
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan (1-1-1)
Barbarian (1-1)
Adrian Adonis (1-1)
Butch Reed (1-1)
Haku (1-1)
Mr. Perfect (1-1)
Bobby Heenan (1-1)
Bad News Brown (1-0-2)
One-Shot Guys (0-0-1): Billy Jack Haynes, David Sammartino

More Losses:
Andre the Giant (2-3-1)
Greg Valentine (2-4)
Roddy Piper (1-2-1)
Don Muraco (1-2-1)
Junkyard Dog (1-2)
King Kong Bundy (1-2)
Davey Boy Smith (1-2)
Dynamite Kid (1-2)
Honky Tonk Man (1-2)
Dino Bravo (1-2)
Hercules Hernandez (1-3-1)
Tito Santana (1-5)
Paul Ordnorff (0-1-1)

Only Losses:
Matt Borne/Doink (0-1)
Bam Bam Bigelow (0-1)
Barry Windham (0-1)
Mike Rotundo/I.R.S. (0-1)
Leilani Kai (0-1)
Owen Hart (0-1)
The Warlord (0-1)
Jacques Rougeau (0-2)
Raymond Rougeau (0-2)
Shawn Michaels (0-2)
Marty Jannetty (0-2)
Koko B. Ware (0-3)
One-Shot Guys (0-1): George Wells, Velvet McIntyre, Uncle Elmer, The Executioner/Buddy Rose, S.D. Jones, Bob Orton, George Steele, Killer Bees, Big John Studd, Sherri Martel, Mr. Fuji, Ronny Garvin, Boris Zhukov

WM VI Trends: Hey, weird. Tag guys Demolition & the Hart Foundation have the best records in the entire company so far, just because they've been booked apart from each other and allowed to win so much. The poor Rockers are on the opposite end, losing out big-time to the card's bottom, much like 0-3 Koko and One to FIVE Tito Santana! Lots of the midcard workers (Duggan, Snake, Brown, Martel) are ending up with tie scores from 50/50 booking and cheap wins and the major main-eventers are taking up the "More Wins than losses" section.

[..:skeletor:..]

They were pretty shitty Torture Racks if I recall correctly. In one, he held him for all of two seconds before setting him down (I think it was the World War III ending...).

Yeah, he did it at WWIII when it was him vs. the NWO at the end. Like, bounced Wight's head off the turnbuckle and caught him backing up. IIRC, Nash threw them both over to win; Luger had eliminated Hall, then tossed Waltman over the ropes onto him, put Wight up and then they both got tossed out by Nash. I remember marking THE FUCK OUT during that sequence lol.

I'm also certain he racked Wight after that on Nitro w/o any real trouble, but he didn't hold him up longer than a few seconds before a run-in by the NWO.

[Jabroniville]

The Story so far: Things are looking down for the first time in about six or seven years, as the Ultimate Warrior on top kind of floundered. Feuding with Rick Rude failed to set the world on fire, and the company had finally just about ran out of mega-heels to use since Hogan jobbed them all out, and his general lack of productive workrate or sensical promos kind of hampered the company, resulting in a losing year. The shameless and stupid Sgt. Slaughter push (now he's a Saddam Hussein sympathizer! Never mind that that 'war' was basically a masturbatory excercise for techno-fetishists and not worth getting worked up over patriotically- thank you Bill Hicks & guy who wrote the Planet Simpson book... a war is when TWO countries are fighting, not when one is raping another) was ridiculous even to me as a 10-year old boy, and Slaughter was clearly out of his depth by this point, not a real mega-star in any way. So this fat, pasty guy is now the World Champion, which in itself is ridiculous, oh and here's Hulk Hogan to save the day! Again. This is after his star was basically fading, though it's still shining a bit. This all led to the REALLY embarassing situation of having to lie and say they were leaving the LA Coliseum's 100,000-odd seating capacity for the much smaller arena this show's in because of bomb threats, not because the ticket sales were shitty. Yeah.

On the plus side, there's some good stuff on the horizon. The fabled Bret Hart push is about underway, and this new guy called The Undertaker just might work out as a rookie monster, maybe.

-"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan comes out to showcase the patriotic nature of the evening, doing commentary.

---

1) The Rockers (vs) Haku & Barbarian (w/ Bobby Heenan)-
The Rockers get opening match honors AGAIN because of their beloved nature and speed, but THESE two opponents aren't gonna get the best out of them. And yeah, the match slows down miserably as it's almost 90% to the heels. Funny how the Faces of Fear got their start by throwing together two random Heenan heels who were shitting up the lower-midcard. Hearing JIM DUGGAN discuss wrestling tactics is truly bizarre. What kind of advice could he really give? "Take tons of offense, give a thumbs up, and constantly cheat despite being a face"? Early 90s Rana from Marty, but the match still doesn't really get going. Some double-teaming sets up a Missile Dropkick from Marty, and a Shawn Flying Crossbody puts Haku down for the pin.

-Hacksaw goes away and we get Bobby Heenan on commentary instead for the rest of the show, as they start segueing out the Heenan Family little-by-little and put him in this job.

---

2) "The Texas Tornado" Kerry Von Erich (vs) Dino Bravo (w/ Jimmy Hart)-
What the fu-- Dino Bravo AGAIN?? Jesus Fucking Christ. I swear this is the last one he appears in, I really do. What is this, FIVE of these 'Manias he's at? He's well into the undercard by this point, and the match is a quickie. Bravo does some shit, hits his Side Suplex for two (yeah, when your FINISHER fails to get the pin, you're fucked as a star), the Iron Claw & Discus Punch finish him off. I don't care what anyone says- spinning around before punching someone is awesome and should be used as a finisher more often.

---

3) "The British Bulldog" Davey-Boy Smith (w/ New Bulldog Mascot) (vs) The Warlord (w/ Slick)-
Some new repackaging here puts Davey-Boy, now REALLY REALLY roided up on a solo Coming Out run against The Warlord, who was put a bit higher than Barbarian on the Jobber Heel tier. Still, fucking holy God damn is he ever big. When you make Davey-Boy Smith look like fucking X-Pac, it's time to scale back the gym workouts, buddy. The fact that Warlord never got a push with THAT body still mystifies me, as there's guys like Sid out there who were just as bad. Oh yeah, he also has zero charisma, whereas Sid had shitloads of "crazy fucker" animal magnetism. Seriously, all he can do is the classic wrestling heel "point at the camera and scream" promo and flex and growl in matches. Davey-Boy looks like he's trying, but is really just bouncing around and then it's a shitload of restholds (oh yeah, 'wear down holds', sorry Jim Cornette, I forgot we're not supposed to comment on wrestlers being obviously lazy anymore). Full Nelson gets a pretty cool dramatic fight-out by the Bulldog, and he catches Warlord and hauls him into the Powerslam for the pretty big win. Well the match was shit, but it did the job of giving Bulldog a big win. Warlord was basically done after this as a legit guy, though.

---

4) WWF Tag Team Title:
The Hart Foundation (vs) The Nasty Boys (w/ Jimmy Hart)-
Here's a bit more history, as 1980s WWF finally starts dying out. The high and mighty Tag Team scene from that era has wasted away to nothing, as all the teams either split up (Dream Team, Strike Force), died out (Killer Bees, Rougeaus, Bulldogs), or got de-pushed (Demolition). The Harts are basically the last beacon of the era, having won at the last SummerSlam after YEARS of Demo-dominance, finally showcasing Bret again. And this is where it all ends, transitioning to a new heel duo. The Nasties are kind of an iffy thing in wrestling history- not good workers by and large, they had a decent brawling style and definitely had a disgusting heel charisma going on that made them legit stars. The match is essentially showing off Bret's selling skills, as Jim Neidhart gets all of one minute of full offense in around Bret either selling or making comebacks. Jim comes in, they hit the Hart Attack & Bret nails Jimmy, but the motorcycle helmet (the evil weapon du jour of the Nasties) gets used on Jim, giving the Nasty Boys the win and the Titles. And that's their contribution to WWF history right there. They would of course transition (remember when transitional title reigns lasted four months?) to the Legion of Doom.

---

5) Blindfold Match:
Jake "The Snake" Roberts (vs) Rick "The Model" Martel-
Haha, oh dear. One of the worst concepts for a match in wrestling history (and that's SAYING SOMETHING in a world of Towers of Doom, stuff on Poles, etc.), this was nonetheless a MEGA FEUD, created when the Model sprayed Jake lethally with his "Arrogance" perfume, giving him a gory white contact lens (well, it scared the piss out of me as a kid), and is likely the highest Martel ever got in wrestling solo (non-AWA, of course). A blinded Jake fumbling around before hitting Brother Love with the DDT is still fucking awesome, as that was back when that move was basically the equivalent of a concentrated nuclear weapon. You can see the eye-holes in their blindfolds right away, breaking the illusion, and it's six or seven minutes of fumbling around, pointing and a DDT to end in Jake's favor. Oh joy, it's over. Really bad, but defined Rick Martel as a heel, and was quite good for one of Jake's last face feuds.

---

6) Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka (vs) The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer)-
Hahahaha, the Streak starts here of Undertaker Always Wins. Back then, who'd've known? He was just another monster heel. Well, not ANY Monster... his debut at the Survivor Series left EVERYONE going "holy FUCK who IS this guy?", as he coldly dismantled an entire team without any emotion or caring. More of the same here, as the crowd is still in awe of the guy (there's this brilliant shot of one kid in the stands who's just looking away in that way that terrified children do when they don't want to look at the object of their fear). The match is a quickie, as Snuka gets some offense in, but jobs out HARD. They fuck up a 'catch from the Springboard Splash' spot, Taker sets him down, and picks him up for the Tombstone for the easy win. Coming Out match, though not any good.

---

7) Career Ending Match:
The Ultimate Warrior (vs) "Macho King" Randy Savage (w/ Queen Sherri)-
You wanted a blood feud, you got it. "You cost me the World Title" is about as good a reason as any to start one. Miss Elizabeth is notably watching the festivities. And the match? Fuck, it's among the greatest works of art in wrestling history, and it's got THE FUCKING ULTIMATE WARRIOR IN IT. Captain Blow-Up Five Seconds In has a ***** match? Yes, really. The brilliance is that you can see the ring psychology oozing from every step these guys take, because of all the careful planning. Warrior CALMLY walks to the ring for once, because it's so important. Savage gets the living shit kicked out of him (Warrior catching him coming off the top, then casually putting him down and slapping him like a worthless bitch is the greatest "ooooohhh...." spot I've ever seen), except for those moments where he can piss the Warrior off enough to do his usual running shit and make mistakes, like charging and going over the ropes. Sherri cheats good and regular like a good manager. Savage teases the Steamboat throat injury on Warrior. Savage does the unbelievable by hitting FIVE fucking Flying Elbows in a row, legally killing Warrior... for TWO! Well, he was retiring, why not do that spot? Warrior then casually WRECKS Savage, absolutely dismantling him in the most vicious manner ever. He hits his Clotheslines & the Splash, but gets two. Some weird spot sees him consult his gods or hands or whatever (it's Warrior, he probably snorted half of LA's beaches the day before) and nearly walk out, but he decides he deserves to win anyways, and hits about three or four Flying Tackles that send Savage out each time, and each time he drags him back in. Another one, one foot on the chest, and it's the most decisive pinfall ever. Warrior wins, and goes on to do dick-all with this huge win & push, leaving in a few months.

-And then it's the single finest moment in pro wrestling history, for me as a fan. (prepare for a rant, people) See, Savage had treated Elizabeth like total crap as an abusive boyfriend to the perfect sweet girl for years. Then he makes a face turn and they're hunky-dory. Until jealousy over her & Hogan's friendship (and his fame) break them up, and he falls in with the evil slut Sherri. Years later, we get this. Sherri FREAKS that Savage is done (and her meal ticket's over), so she kicks him while he's down. After a minute of that, Liz freaks, jumps the railing, and thows Sherri out by her hair. Savage takes a while to get it, and then... THEY HUG!! Mother-Fuck-YES! One of the hugest crowd reactions I've ever seen. As they parade around the ring, there are shots of men & women in the crowd BAWLING THEIR FUCKING EYES OUT because of this. Savage holds the ropes for her as an "I'm Sorry" and transitions into a background commentating role for a while before coming back later that year, as the top babyface in the promotion. Just the finest story ever told right here, folks.

---

8) Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji) (vs) Genichiro Tenry & Koji Kitao-
Wuh? Weirdness abounds here. Demolition has now fully transitioned into the lowest-end tag team, with Crush replacing Ax (who's not even showing up here, basically being let go by this point). And they're back with Fuji, who they dumped years ago, which makes no sense. And they're fighting two Japanese guys who've never showed up before or since (well, Tenryu was a Hired Gun against Luger in one Rumble, but come on...), which is also pointless as hell. Both were with Tenryu's SWS promotion I think (they have that on their tights, though I think he also did WAR...), which is one of those MANY MANY Japanese mini-federations that popped up in the Wrestling Boom of the Early 90s (well, THEY had one)- pretty much every one was "disgruntled star forms his own company with a few breakaway stars and a bunch of charismatic, desperate unknowns. Japanese wrestling is very weird that way. Anyways, the match sucks, as Demo doesn't have it any more, and nobody knows the Japanese guys (though the Regis Philbin interview was kinda funny, as he just started naming Japanese things to get reactions out of them while they smiled). Tenryu ends it with a big Powerbomb on Smash. Wow, CHAMPIONS for three WrestleManias in a row, to jobbing to fucking foreign one-shotters the next. Totally pointless and kind of sad as an epitaph.

---

9) Intercontinental Title:
Mr. Perfect (w/ Bobby Heenan) (vs) The Big Boss Man-
Reason stables rule: One guy can get a whole YEAR'S worth of solid feuding out of beating on a succession of guys managed by one guy. Note the Big Boss Man, now FINALLY working his way up to Mr. Perfect, after beating on the rest of the Heenan Family over comments The Brain made about his momma. As good a reason as any to start a feud, really. The match is a seller's paradise, as Hennig finds new ways to sell EVERYTHING (the "jump off the top rope onto a dude's foot" move leads to him on one knee and faltering backwards), and whips out an inverted version of his Necksnap, basically a flipping Neckbreaker on a kneeling Boss Man. Boss Man's no slouch either, but it doesn't get going too far before Andre the Giant wanders out as a distraction for Heenan & Hennig, and the Faces of Low Workrate come out to beat on Boss Man a bit before he makes his own comeback, and Andre whups on all the heels. So it's a bullshit DQ finish, but the fans are still happy.

-What's funny about this is that the Boss Man, with his upper-midcard attitude and popularity, was PERFECT for an IC Title run, but it just wasn't his time. He was greatly over, but the heel Perfect was just too good at his job, and Bret Hart's ascendance was coming in four months anyways. So this is Ray Traylor's peak as a worker & star in the WWF, and he never moved higher (notwithstanding a filler PPV World Title match).

---

10) Earthquake (w/ Jimmy Hart) (vs) Greg "The Hammer" Valentine-
Valentine is back to blonde hair, and is now a BABYFACE, which went about as well as you would probably expect. That is to say, he was on the very end of his WWF run (basically the last year, as he was still at the Flair Rumble along with 11 other soon-to-be-gone guys), and they gave him a token babyface run as a way of saying 'thanks', despite having no charisma or style the young fans wanted to see. He still had nice moves, and us workrate dorks appreciate him, but MAN was he not cut out for being a fan-favourite. The match is short- Quake pounds on him, Valentine takes the advantage with his usual stuff, but the Figure-Four is broken up as he goes after Jimmy like a moron (what? Did he not pay attention during those EIGHT YEARS with Hart as his manager?), and it's Elbowdrop, Earthquake Splash for the quick win.
 
---

11) The Legion of Doom (vs) Power & Glory (w/ Slick)-
This feud was set up when a repackaged Hercules (no longer a face jobber) and Paul Roma (former Young Stallion) cost the L.O.D. the tag team Battle Royal that the Nasty Boys won to set up the Title Shot at this show. Out for blood, the LOD cut their usual promo, beat on Power & Glory a bit, Animal makes his own comeback with a Powerslam, and it's a Doomsday Device in about fifteen seconds, killing the Power & Glory push dead in it's tracks, from which it would never recover. This was almost as famous amongst my friends & I as the Hart Foundation victory over the Bolsheviks, meaning we all knew who the jobbers were supposed to be. Basically a hiccup post-Demolition feud, and before the LOD moved against the Nasties.

---

12) "The Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase (vs) Virgil (w/ Roddy Piper)-
So with Virgil FINALLY turning on DiBiase at the Royal Rumble (just in time to see Dusty Rhodes off), we get this match. Though it's more of a stop-gap measure, and features a TON of Roddy Piper interference, as that feud was kinda ongoing as well. Piper's on crutches from one of his many injuries. The match is about 90% DiBiase, Piper pulls him out of the ring for a cheap Count-Out (though the crowd REALLY pops for that one), and all of a sudden Sherri comes out to ally with Ted against Piper. Virgil chases the heels off, and then goads Piper to get up, like Piper did to him. I have kinda mixed feelings about this one... would it've been better for Virgil to win the Million Dollar Belt here? Why wait till SS? Either way, they'd probably have just turned him into a jobber by next year, but still.

---

13) The Mountie (w/ Jimmy Hart) (vs) Tito Santana-
The Mountie's Coming Out Match, it's another token mini-bout before the Main Event. Poor Tito's STILL wearing Strike Force tights, and he's STILL a Jobber To The Stars. It's literally a one-minute match (what's going on with that tonight?), as Tito throws some punches and tosses the newly repackaged Jacques Rougeau around, but he eats the Cattle Prod and gets pinned cheaply. OK then.

---

14) Main Event:
WWF World Title:
Hulk Hogan (vs) Sargeant Slaughter (w/ General Adnan)-
Yeah... not much of a Main Event. I mean, I get the Evil Foreigner gimmick, which is as good a heel gimmick as any (better than most, even). But like I said, having an American pledge allegiance to basically a JTTS COUNTRY, then giving him the Title when there's a bunch of other worthy contenders? Really kind of silly. The match is actually rather not-bad, as it's a well-booked brawl instead of trying to go for something it can't be (like a Triple-H/Orton attempted 'epic'). Hogan fights like a madman, going for all kinds of unusual shit, and beats back the Slaughter offense (Camel Clutch! Pin using the Iraqui Flag!), hits the usual, and wins the Title. Too bad it was too little, too late for the WWF by that point, and five more months of stupid Hogan/Slaughter feuding pretty much put it into the mid-90s sinkhole it took six years getting out of.

----

The Review: Weird, I think I actually like this show better than WM VI. That's more because it has the AWESOME Warrior/Savage event, one of the few matches that's both ***** in workrate AND angle. Like WM VI, most of the matches were short junk designed to fit fourteen bouts onto the show, so we had squashes all over the place. Aside from that one match, the rest of the show was merely 'okay', with a good Nasties/Harts match, and Perfect/Boss Man being OK. Two BS finishes (Perfect's & DiBiase's jobbings- those two have careers that are REALLY BAD for that, as the WWF never wanted to job them out, but still wanted the fans to be satisfied) and a bunch of jobber matches still make this 'Mania kind of sub-par. Really, it's the definition of a one-match show.

[Crab Master]

Savage had two of the greatest Wrestlemania matches ever on two different shows, and upstaged Hogan twice. Man, no wonder why this guy was booked as a So So champion.

[Sick Nick]

His match with Flair at the following Mania was at least **** too.

[Crab Master]

His match with Flair at the following Mania was at least **** too.

I have to watch that one.

[..:skeletor:..]

7) Career Ending Match:
The Ultimate Warrior (vs) "Macho King" Randy Savage (w/ Queen Sherri)-
You wanted a blood feud, you got it. "You cost me the World Title" is about as good a reason as any to start one. Miss Elizabeth is notably watching the festivities. And the match? Fuck, it's among the greatest works of art in wrestling history, and it's got THE FUCKING ULTIMATE WARRIOR IN IT. Captain Blow-Up Five Seconds In has a ***** match? Yes, really. The brilliance is that you can see the ring psychology oozing from every step these guys take, because of all the careful planning. Warrior CALMLY walks to the ring for once, because it's so important. Savage gets the living shit kicked out of him (Warrior catching him coming off the top, then casually putting him down and slapping him like a worthless bitch is the greatest "ooooohhh...." spot I've ever seen), except for those moments where he can piss the Warrior off enough to do his usual running shit and make mistakes, like charging and going over the ropes. Sherri cheats good and regular like a good manager. Savage teases the Steamboat throat injury on Warrior. Savage does the unbelievable by hitting FIVE fucking Flying Elbows in a row, legally killing Warrior... for TWO! Well, he was retiring, why not do that spot? Warrior then casually WRECKS Savage, absolutely dismantling him in the most vicious manner ever. He hits his Clotheslines & the Splash, but gets two. Some weird spot sees him consult his gods or hands or whatever (it's Warrior, he probably snorted half of LA's beaches the day before) and nearly walk out, but he decides he deserves to win anyways, and hits about three or four Flying Tackles that send Savage out each time, and each time he drags him back in. Another one, one foot on the chest, and it's the most decisive pinfall ever. Warrior wins, and goes on to do dick-all with this huge win & push, leaving in a few months.

-And then it's the single finest moment in pro wrestling history, for me as a fan. (prepare for a rant, people) See, Savage had treated Elizabeth like total crap as an abusive boyfriend to the perfect sweet girl for years. Then he makes a face turn and they're hunky-dory. Until jealousy over her & Hogan's friendship (and his fame) break them up, and he falls in with the evil slut Sherri. Years later, we get this. Sherri FREAKS that Savage is done (and her meal ticket's over), so she kicks him while he's down. After a minute of that, Liz freaks, jumps the railing, and thows Sherri out by her hair. Savage takes a while to get it, and then... THEY HUG!! Mother-Fuck-YES! One of the hugest crowd reactions I've ever seen. As they parade around the ring, there are shots of men & women in the crowd BAWLING THEIR FUCKING EYES OUT because of this. Savage holds the ropes for her as an "I'm Sorry" and transitions into a background commentating role for a while before coming back later that year, as the top babyface in the promotion. Just the finest story ever told right here, folks.

Greatest. Match. Ever.

[Jabroniville]

WrestleMania Tally:
1) WrestleMania III
2) WrestleMania 2
3) WrestleMania IV
4) WrestleMania V
5) WrestleMania VII
6) WrestleMania VI
7) WrestleMania

WrestleMania Records:
(Wins-Losses-Ties)
All Wins:
The Big Bossman (3-0)
Ax (3-0)
Mr. T (2-0)
The Iron Sheik (2-0)
Earthquake (2-0)
The Bushwhackers (1-0)
The Brain Busters (1-0)
Red Rooster (1-0)
Terry Funk (1-0)
Dusty Rhodes (1-0)
Pat Tanaka (1-0)
Texas Tornado (1-0)
Nasty Boys (1-0)
The Undertaker (1-0)
Legion of Doom (1-0)
Virgil (1-0)
One-Shot Guys (1-0): Danny Davis, Wendi Richter, Fabulous Moolah, Corporal Kirchner, Hoss Funk, Tom Zenk, Hillbilly Jim, Harley Race, Tama, Sapphire, Sato, Tenryu, Kitao

More Wins:
Hulk Hogan (5-1-1)
Brutus Beefcake (3-1-2)
Ted DiBiase (3-2-1)
Randy Savage (5-4)
Ultimate Warrior (3-1)
Bret Hart (3-1)
Jim Neidhart (3-1)
Smash/Repo Man (3-1)
Ricky Steamboat (3-1)
Jake Roberts (3-2-1)
"Ravishing" Rick Rude (2-0-1)

Tie Records:
Davey Boy Smith (2-2)
Nikolai Volkoff (2-2)
One Man Gang/Akeem (2-2)
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan (1-1-1)
Adrian Adonis (1-1)
Butch Reed (1-1)
Bobby Heenan (1-1)
Bad News Brown (1-0-2)
One-Shot Guys (0-0-1): Billy Jack Haynes, David Sammartino

More Losses:
Andre the Giant (2-3-1)
Rick Martel (2-3)
Roddy Piper (1-2-1)
Don Muraco (1-2-1)
Jacques Rougeau/Mountie (1-2)
Junkyard Dog (1-2)
King Kong Bundy (1-2)
Dynamite Kid (1-2)
Honky Tonk Man (1-2)
Shawn Michaels (1-2)
Marty Jannetty (1-2)
Mr. Perfect (1-2)
Haku (1-2)
Barbarian (1-2)
Greg Valentine (2-5)
Dino Bravo (1-3)
Hercules Hernandez (1-4-1)
Paul Ordnorff (0-1-1)
Tito Santana (1-6)

Only Losses:
Crush (0-1)
Paul Roma (0-1)
Matt Borne/Doink (0-1)
Bam Bam Bigelow (0-1)
Barry Windham (0-1)
Mike Rotundo/I.R.S. (0-1)
Leilani Kai (0-1)
Owen Hart (0-1)
Sgt. Slaughter (0-1)
The Warlord (0-2)
Raymond Rougeau (0-2)
Jimmy Snuka (0-2)
Koko B. Ware (0-3)
One-Shot Guys (0-1): George Wells, Velvet McIntyre, Uncle Elmer, The Executioner/Buddy Rose, S.D. Jones, Bob Orton, George Steele, Killer Bees, Big John Studd, Sherri Martel, Mr. Fuji, Ronny Garvin, Boris Zhukov

WM VII Trends: Some new faces with the LOD, Crush & Undertaker, and the Harts & Smash lose their perfect records. Savage is nearly 50/50 now, and Warrior boosts his record, alongside Hogan. Oddly, Ax of Demolition keeps one of the highest perfect records ever, thanks to being gone by this point. Greg Valentine & Hercules get REALLY bad into the loss zone (2-5 and 1-4-1!!!) to cap off their careers, as both were basically JTTS for the latter 'Manias. Poor Tito is even worse off at 1-6. Notably, the Big Boss Man has 3-0 as well, since the Twin Towers did well, and he beat Akeem easily at VI.

[Sick Nick]

I have to watch that one.

It was great stuff. Back around late 1992, one of the Apter mags did the top 10 best Mania matches yet, and it finished highly.

[Crab Master]

It was great stuff. Back around late 1992, one of the Apter mags did the top 10 best Mania matches yet, and it finished highly.

Oh, you mean the wrestlemania before WM 9 AKA "How to fuck people out of $50.00!"

[Sick Nick]

That wasn't a good Mania. I'm struggling to think of any good matches on it at all.